why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
