Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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