I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
