I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
