i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She needs sedatives and a leash
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
