She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm having to shit out rocks
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
