I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
