I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
