he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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