i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
