and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
