The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
