Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
