i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
