I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
