So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
