I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do vagina's smell?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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