Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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