hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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