If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
