things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
