I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
