Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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