Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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