What did we do last night that was yellow?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
