batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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