It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
