They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
