I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
