dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
