My room smells like vodka and shame
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
