I look better un-naked...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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