how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Everclear isn't food dammit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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