Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
