i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
