Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
