why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
