I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize