you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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