I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
