please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
