i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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