k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
