...so i touched it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
