you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
