Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
