im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
