May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
