Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
