I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize