I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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