seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
