hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
