I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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