Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
