Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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