i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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