tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had to cum in my sink.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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