Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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