did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
