it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
