My pussy is not your playground.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
