I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
