Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
