New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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