last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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