my mouth tastes like poor choices
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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