Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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