OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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