Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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