I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
