girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
