I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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