I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
