Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
