Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
