thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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