I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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