if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
