I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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