The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
