just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
