When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
