what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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