It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
