A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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