Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize