you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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