Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
